Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
I ventured to my office, grabbed my address book and sat in my favorite chair. I picked up the phone on the end table and dialed the first number. Four hours later, I was done with the phone calls. The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Silence.
It would be getting dark soon. I knew this. It would be over soon. I knew this. I spent the day entirely alone eating, drinking, talking, and writing. Yet, in this means of, what an outsider would see as absolute pathetic-ness… I was truly content. My life had been filled with love, laughter, and loss. My life had been filled with music, art, passion, and compassion.
I was satisfied. I was pleased. There was no better way to leave this Earth then how I planned that day I found out. The grandfather clock chimed in the hallway. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
I had missed the sun set on purpose. My day started with a sun rise, a new beginning and that is how I wanted to leave it.
I wasn’t hungry for dinner. I found this to be okay. I went to my room, pulled out my journal and turned to the last page and wrote.
The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
I walked to my office and grabbed the piece of paper on the end table that sat next to my favorite chair. I sat in my favorite chair for the last time. I turned on the small lamp, made myself comfortable. I held in my hand a short letter I’d written to my friends and family. I had spent four hours earlier that day leaving hundreds of messages on voicemails—a request I had made earlier that week…no one answer my call. I began to read:
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Thank God for a brand new year. A fresh start. 2012, here's to you.
As I sit here comfortably on my bed, computer on my lap, mindlessly plunking away at the keyboard, I think "Wow, a whole new year. I'm truly blessed." However, if you spoke to me a few months ago I would have never have said "blessed."
2011 was a challenge between job, friendships, family, etc. I was offered a permanent position at my temp job and took it. I took it because, hell I need the money. I took it because I felt secure. I took it because I had nothing else. My job is a blessing. It pays the bills. It pays my student loans. It leaves me money to go out and to "extra" things. However, I know I must not stay at this job forever. I have a passion in my life for entertainment. I have a passion for writing. I have a passion for art. I have a passion for people. With all these passions, who knows where I might end up. 2012, here is to you finding me a job in my passion.
2011 defined friendships for me. I lost friends. I gained friends. I wrecked relationships with friends. I saved relationships with friends. Sometimes I miss the security and comfort I found in my friends during my college days. But, just like high school we graduate and move on. Occassionally, I still ache for their prescence in my life; but, maybe someday that ache will be filled. As for now, Facebook and Twitter are sufficent enough.
2011 changed my family. My brothers have been in and out of trouble with drugs, alcohol, stealing and pawning valuable belongings of theirs and my parents for their next high. My parents have struggled the entire year with figuring out what to do. They did not raise my brothers to behave this way and mostly found themselves overwhelemed with disbelief by the whole situation.
Just before Christmas my brothers got into a phyiscal fight, and found themselves spending a few nights in the county jail. They were suppose to spend the holidays in jail. Thanks to a program called "New Day" they were released and charges were dropped. It was hard to think that for the first time in my life, I would not be spending Christmas with my brothers. Granted my relationship with them is not great, I still love them both dearly. I hope and pray that 2012 can be a year for my brothers to get clean, get help, find a job and be successful.
As Meredith Grey says, “Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over."
I am putting 2011 behind me and starting over, fresh. I survived the holiday season. I had my family and friends wonderful love and support the entire year. Here's to another year of live, love, and laughter.
2012..you are my new beginning. My year to love. My year to life fully to my greatest potential. My year to fully embrace all that life has to offer.
So, I dismissed the thought. One night while watching Grey's Anatomy, it hit me. Why not use the voice-overs for blog topics. Sometimes in those voice-overs I find myself agreeing with what is being said. Most of the time, I find myself going through the same exact emotions.
I've always thought that the writing on Grey's Anatomy was clever and well-written. It is one of my favorite medical dramas of my time. So, in an effort to keep to my resoultion; and, write about life, love, and my pursuit of happiness in 2012...here's to my 2012 blog, "A Year Through the Life of Grey's Anantomy.