To write well, you must write what you know.This is what I know......

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Twenty-Six: Missed Signs and Broken Opportunities

(I'm not asking whether or not you believe in signs from God; I'm just wanting to share something that has been weighing on my heart)

Several years ago, I was attending church camp as a youth leader and camp counselor. During one of the evening sessions, I was up at the alter praying and pouring my heart out to God. Just as we were asked to go back to our seats, I heard a voice say "Something amazing in your life will happen." The number 26 flashed really big on the wall. In my heart, I knew that it was a sign. For weeks, I struggled.....did it mean 26 days, 26 months, 26 weeks, 26 years, 26 years old?? I am 4 1/2 weeks away from turning 27 and my heart feels as though that amazing thing will not happen.

Before I starting writing this today, I had a strange thought.

Thought: If I was told today that I was pregnant....what would I do?
Conclusion: Abortion.

Years ago, I would never have been able to draw this conclusion. Abortion would have been totally out of the question. I was pro-life and sadly I cannot honestly say when and where my heart and mind began to feel pro-choice. As for many this topic is and always will be a source of conflict. Religion always influences the opposing side. And quite frankly, I wish religion could be left out of it.
      By saying, "I wish religion could be left out of it," I am not saying completely take God out of government....I am just saying the religious beliefs of any and all religions should not be opposed on individuals who chose not to follow.

It is known that God gave us all free-will. God created us for a specific purpose. God created us unique. If we are all to be the same, then why do we even exist?

For some reading this, you might be smiling and quietly cheering me on. For others reading this, your heart is sad and you will have begun to pray for me.

My personal and religious convictions should not oppress others. Therefore, I am pro-choice. I believe it is a woman's right to chose. With that being said, I do not believe in abortion as the only means for birth keep getting pregnant--maybe you want to consider an alternative.

I am not going to be one who condemns. I am not going to be one who judges. If I have ever made anyone feel that way, please know I am truly, deeply sorry. As I wish that no one would ever condemn me or judge me for what I chose to believe in and do with my day to day life. God is the only one allowed to carry all that power.

From what I know, I might have missed out on God's "26" plan for my life. But, I'm leaving that up to God to decide when that will be. I still talk to him. I still pray. I just have not found the want, need, or desire to attend church and be apart of fellowship. If you ask me to attend church, I will just say no. My heart has been hurt too many times by those who proclaimed to live a Christ-like life. I grew sick of it and I said, "Enough."

My heart hurts for this world. My heart hurts for people. My heart hurts for future generations.
I am a compassionate person and just want peace, compassion, understanding, and equal rights.

I find comfort in music and sorrow in news. I find peace in nature. I find love in my family and friends, even when there is so much hate in this world.