To write well, you must write what you know.This is what I know......

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Twenty-Six: Missed Signs and Broken Opportunities

(I'm not asking whether or not you believe in signs from God; I'm just wanting to share something that has been weighing on my heart)

Several years ago, I was attending church camp as a youth leader and camp counselor. During one of the evening sessions, I was up at the alter praying and pouring my heart out to God. Just as we were asked to go back to our seats, I heard a voice say "Something amazing in your life will happen." The number 26 flashed really big on the wall. In my heart, I knew that it was a sign. For weeks, I struggled.....did it mean 26 days, 26 months, 26 weeks, 26 years, 26 years old?? I am 4 1/2 weeks away from turning 27 and my heart feels as though that amazing thing will not happen.

Before I starting writing this today, I had a strange thought.

Thought: If I was told today that I was pregnant....what would I do?
Conclusion: Abortion.

Years ago, I would never have been able to draw this conclusion. Abortion would have been totally out of the question. I was pro-life and sadly I cannot honestly say when and where my heart and mind began to feel pro-choice. As for many this topic is and always will be a source of conflict. Religion always influences the opposing side. And quite frankly, I wish religion could be left out of it.
      By saying, "I wish religion could be left out of it," I am not saying completely take God out of government....I am just saying the religious beliefs of any and all religions should not be opposed on individuals who chose not to follow.

It is known that God gave us all free-will. God created us for a specific purpose. God created us unique. If we are all to be the same, then why do we even exist?

For some reading this, you might be smiling and quietly cheering me on. For others reading this, your heart is sad and you will have begun to pray for me.

My personal and religious convictions should not oppress others. Therefore, I am pro-choice. I believe it is a woman's right to chose. With that being said, I do not believe in abortion as the only means for birth keep getting pregnant--maybe you want to consider an alternative.

I am not going to be one who condemns. I am not going to be one who judges. If I have ever made anyone feel that way, please know I am truly, deeply sorry. As I wish that no one would ever condemn me or judge me for what I chose to believe in and do with my day to day life. God is the only one allowed to carry all that power.

From what I know, I might have missed out on God's "26" plan for my life. But, I'm leaving that up to God to decide when that will be. I still talk to him. I still pray. I just have not found the want, need, or desire to attend church and be apart of fellowship. If you ask me to attend church, I will just say no. My heart has been hurt too many times by those who proclaimed to live a Christ-like life. I grew sick of it and I said, "Enough."

My heart hurts for this world. My heart hurts for people. My heart hurts for future generations.
I am a compassionate person and just want peace, compassion, understanding, and equal rights.

I find comfort in music and sorrow in news. I find peace in nature. I find love in my family and friends, even when there is so much hate in this world.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Begin the Begin Pt. 2

"Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January."

--Grey’s Anatomy
Thank God for a brand new year…a fresh start. 2013, here's to you.

I sit here on my parents’ couch, curled up with a blanket, the fire place blazing and I just feel this overwhelming sense of comfort and accomplishment. This is my fifty-second blog. One blog a week for a whole year…I did it. I freaking did it.
          Just like 2011, 2012 was a challenge between job, friendships, family, etc. I am still at the same job and I’ve been there for two and a half years. Just like I stated on my first blog, I know I cannot stay at this job forever. I have a passion in my life for entertainment. I have a passion for writing. I have a passion for art. I have a passion for people. I wanted to make a life change in 2012, but it just never worked out. This year just has to be my year. 2013, here is to taking a risk, moving away, and working towards my passion.
Just like 2011, 2012 defined friendships for me. I lost a friend. I thought we’d be friends forever. The relationship was just toxic. We were only going to end up hurting one another—so I told her I was stepping away and calling it quits. It’s never easy ending a friendship. It hurt me, but it also saved me. I never wanted to hurt that person, but it is what I had to do. I hope that she can find peace and love in life. The upside to losing friends, is gaining friends. I’m thankful for all my friendships. I hope that 2013 brings me more friendships and makes my current friendships stronger.
        2012 was a good year for my family. My brothers may still be lost and throwing their lives away, but I think some reality has set in that they do not ever want to go back to jail.
My mom got a promotion at work and my parents are going to be doing very well. I am happy for them. They struggled so much when I was little that they finally have the means. It is a major blessing.
My mom’s job promotion took her to Canada for the majority of 2012, so I had the privilege of hanging out with a friend’s family, who became my surrogate family this past year. I am thankful for them too. I wish nothing but the best for them in 2013.

“Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Year’s resolutions. “

I set four resolutions for 2012. I met three of them.
Goal 1: Write a blog for an entire year= ACCOMPLISHED
Goal 2: Learn to play piano= ACCOMPLSHED (and still working on it)
Goal 3: Stop biting my nails= ACCOMPLISHED
Goal 4: Get Katy Perry to see my tattoo= NOT ACCOMPLISHED (but I’m not giving up).

My resolutions 2013 are: continue to write, continue to play piano, pursue my dreams, take risks, live fully to my greatest potential and my year to fully embrace all that life has to offer.

“It’s hard to resist the chance at a new beginning.”

Friends, take this chance for your new beginning. Live your life to your greatest potential in 2013. And remember what's important, it is important to remember that "we never stop believing we can have a new beginning."