“Doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap…maybe going through all of that, is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we step up.”
-Grey’s Anatomy
If you were to look at me closely, you would see a pretty girl. If you were to look at me closely, you would see the color of my eyes, the shape of my face, and the warmth in my smile. At a first glance, or a second glance I am seem normal. But, if you were to break me down piece by piece each piece would tell a story.
“Trauma always leaves a scar.”
To me some scars are visible and invisible. I have both.
“Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point.”
I would never wish my pain and experiences on anyone else, even though I know there are several people in this world that might have gone through a similar situation. I had terrible things happened. I thought terrible things. I felt worthless, abused, misunderstood, lost, forgotten, hurt. My trauma in life won’t be the same as the next person, or the next. We are individuals, and the beauty in life is that no one person is the exact same. The beauty in pain is that somehow, somewhere there is always light. A point to the pain and a solution to the pain.
“All the pain and the fear and the crap…maybe going through all of that, is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we step up.”
To quote a P!nk song, “I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned;” I truly and honestly can say I wouldn’t trade it. I was beaten, broken, and messed up, but I got through it. I am stronger for it. I am alive. I can share my story with other’s to let them know there is hope. There is love. There are people who care for them. I really do believe there is a purpose for the good and the bad. Sometimes we may not understand, and it is okay to ask “why?” It is okay to ask for help.
I finally did. I am in therapy now for my “trauma” and we (my therapist and I) have discussed other past events in my life, so that I can completely heal. I have a tremendous passion for people. I’m a compassionate human being with an everlasting love to reach out to others. I care about humanity. I care about the people of the future. If I can share one little part of me, maybe it can go on, and on, and on….and help those who most need it. I can pay it forward.
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