The Red Balloon

I bought a red balloon…just like she asked. Of all the things in the world that I could have given her, and all she wanted was a red balloon. I guess it is not so much the red balloon that matters, but what is attached to the string of the red balloon. A letter. Yes, indeed a letter.
I sat at my writing desk, unable to process what had been asked of me. Her last words played in my mind like a broken record. I knew what I had to do, and how could I let her down. I said a small prayer, asking for guidance. I sighed a deep sigh and began to write, and this is what I wrote:

Dear Grandma the Great:
I am sorry it took me so long to do this. I know what you asked of me, but I didn’t understand why. Of all the things that I could have done for you and all you wanted was this. I miss you. We all miss you. Life is not the same without you. It would be selfish of me to wish you back. I miss your stories. I miss your hugs. I miss everything about you.
I am sorry I wasn’t there for you. I am sorry I didn’t come to say good-bye. I regret it and will be mad at myself for the rest of my life.
When you left, I lost all my memories of you. It was almost like I was protecting myself. Little by little the memories started to come back. You are forever written on my heart. I will never forget you, again. I love you, grandma dear. Good-bye.

With all my love, your great granddaughter,
Jennifer Lynn

I rolled the letter up and tied it to the string of the red balloon. I took the balloon outside.
"If you ever need me, send a letter to heaven to me on a red balloon."
Her words played in my mind once more. I released the red balloon and watched it drift far up into the beautiful blue sky until I could no longer see it. I smiled and returned inside knowing far well, she got it.

Boundaries

"You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in." -Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

I am completely guilty of setting up too many boundaries in my life. I am fenced in. Trapped. 
I do not date for fear of getting hurt. Boundary. I do not trust men because of traumatic event. Boundary. I have trust issues. Boundary. I do not take risks for fear of failing. Boundary. This list could go on for a good majority of this blog, but for time's sake I'm going to stop. 

There are moments in life when boundaries are acceptable. In my opinion, boundaries work for beginnings of relationships, marriage, and starting a family. There are more boundaries that are acceptable, yet this was all I could think of.

Boundaries eliminate risks. Boundaries draw lines between yourself and whatever it is you are trying to hide from. Eventually, boundaries fence you in. We cannot eliminate all risks in life. We cannot eliminate all boundaries in life. Some point in time, you will have to cross a boundary previously set up. Of course, it will take time. Courage. Strength. Ambition.

I believe boundaries are set up out of fear of something terrible happening. Look at my boundaries: dating, trust, men, failure. The boundaries in my life are set up out of fear. I live in a fence made of fear. It is time to take the fence down. Not all at once....piece by piece.

As Meredith Grey says next, "So, you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them."

I am going to live my life crossing lines, and not drawing them. I am going to tear down my boundary fence--post by post. It might take weeks, months, years....but the walls are coming down.

I encourage you to look at the boundaries in your life. Re-evaluate. And maybe, you too can tear down the boundary wall and join me---crossing lines.

Jen