To write well, you must write what you know.This is what I know......

Monday, February 6, 2012

Now or Never

 “Did you say it?  I love you. I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life.  Did you say it?  Make a plan. Set a goal, work toward it but every now and then look around, Drink it in.  ‘Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow. “ –Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

As I wrote this quote out, I actually stopped to text a friend to tell her she changed my life when she let me be a part of a production in college. It was such a defining moment in my life. An experience so gratifying that I wouldn’t change it for the world or the people that were a part of it.
Here recently, I’ve been dreaming a lot about my own death, but in these fantasy situations. Twice, I’ve died on the Titanic. I’ve been shot, I’ve been stabbed, I’ve stopped breathing, and I’ve died of old age. Curiosity got the best of me and I goggled, “what does it mean to die in your own dreams?”
“To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something. On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation. You are desperately trying to escape from the demands of your daily life.” –
I have definitely made 2012 a year of new beginnings. I’ve been striving to reach for the positive and change how I was living in my life. I’m done with the negative. In retrospect, I was my own worst enemy…I was both my problem and my solution. I was just too arrogant to fix myself. Well, that arrogance is gone. I am a better me. I’ve stopped biting my nails after twenty years of biting them. I’ve been writing this blog. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I was told by every English teacher since eighth grade that writing was my forte and I should pursue writing….maybe I will. I’m twenty-six years young—I’ve got time. I bought a keyboard and I’ve been teaching myself popular songs. It is the most peaceful, relaxing time I give myself. I cannot help but get all giddy and smile when I accomplish learning a song. It is pretty flippin’ awesome.
Drink it in. Cause this is it. It might be all gone tomorrow. We are given one life. One chance, one shot. Make it right. Do what you love. Keep pressing on. Don’t go to bed angry. Let the people in your life know you love them. Let the people in your life know if they changed your life. For once, in a really long time I’m happy. I intended on staying happy. I was once told, “Control what you can control.” I can control my emotions. I can consciously choose to be happy. I’ve been on the flip side of happiness. Dark. Cold. Desolate. Who wants that life? Not me! I am my own destiny. I can choose to make it what I want. Just watch….I’m going to make it a beautiful work of art.

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