You can’t outrun your shadow. We aren’t lucky like Peter Pan with the ability to lose our shadow and having to chase it down. Then again, maybe we are like Peter Pan. We are always chasing down the shadows in life.
In my life, the shadow I’m running from is moving on and out on my own .I currently live with family members. I fear not being able to financial make it. I already struggle as it is and the fear of not being able to afford bills, medicine, gas for the car, rent…whatever keeps me right where I am. I am not moving forward and I am not moving back. I am just here.
I fear that I am missing out on life. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy. I love my friends. I love my family. I love my home, but there is just this aching feeling that there is something more out there.
I have a passion in life to help people. I have a passion in life to be a part of creating art. I want to write. I want to act. I want to produce. I want to direct. I want to live life creating magic, because art is magical.
“The only way to get rid of a shadow is to turn off the lights, to stop running from the darkness, and face what you fear…head on.”
I’m going to turn off the lights. I am going to tell my fears to shut up. I’m going to stop running from the doubt and insecurities that I cannot make it on my own. In order to face what I fear, head on. I am going to make a plan—of where I want to be and who I want to be. I am going to weigh the pros and cons of moving out. I am going to make a budget. I am going to make a plan to be where I want to be. Everything takes time. In one year, I want to be out and on my own. There are a few cities I have in mind. During this one year, I want to make a visit to each to see what city is the perfect one for me.
A long time ago, I was at church camp. We were in a prayer meeting. I heard God say, “Something amazing will happen in your life.” The number 26 appeared on the wall. Whether you believe this or not, it still means something to me. Shortly, after I turned 26 (about two months ago) I was reminded of this. I never knew what the 26 meant…26 days, 26 weeks, 26 years, 26 months??? I have a feeling now that 26 means this year. During my 26th year, something amazing will happen. I still have ten months to figure it out.
So, here is to facing my fears head on. Here is to 26 and the amazing journey I am about to embark on.