To write well, you must write what you know.This is what I know......

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Favorite Mistake

“Messing up…’s what makes a person.”
                                                                        -Grey’s Anatomy
I started out this past Friday great. I woke up from a restful night of sleep. I got to wear jeans to work. I had on a cute shirt. The weather was warm and beautiful and I decided to wear my Ed Hardy flip flops. I got to work and was informed flip flops and jeans with holes (which mine were) were against company policy. Thankfully, I had a spare pair of slip on shoes. What I didn’t take into account, was how ridiculously those shoes looked with my boot cut skinny jeans. I felt like a duck. I looked like a duck. I walk into my office complaining about the fact that I looked like a duck. I was immediately told by a fellow worker to “Shut up.” Feelings hurt. I began to plead my case, “I had on cute flip flops then my mom (yes, I work with my mom) told me (mimicking Mom), “That’s against policy. You cannot wear flip flops.” Another co-worker walks down the hearing my story and says to my mother/boss/co-worker, “She is just being dramatic…just so you know.” Mom laughs and says in a half joking; half disgusted tone, “Yea! We know SHE is dramatic. SHE went to ACTING school.” Feelings hurt again. I smiled the best I could and walked into my office. I could feel the heat, the blood, the tears getting ready to pour. I was pissed. I was upset. I was embarrassed. I asked my main boss and supervisor for the day off and left work.
I spent the entire day crying over a snide comments and the fact that I felt and looked like a duck. Whether I was looking for reassurance that I didn’t look like a duck, or trying to be funny about my situation I ended up getting hurt over something stupid. It was a BIG DEAL to me then, now as I sit here writing this I am slightly embarrassed. Me, a typical girl, PMSing, emotional and completely irrational, unable to control my emotions…allowing myself to be controlled by others.
I guess the hardest part of adulthood, and working for a BIG company is learning how to control my emotions and separating personal life from work life. I have been at my job for almost two years. I still make mistakes. I still am learning. Funny thing is, office politics is a lot like high school. It seems hard to be an adult, when people are still acting like seniors in high school.
            I will be taking a class in April that teaches you how to cope with stressful and emotional situations at work. I hope it will give me good advice, tips, coping mechanisms to deal with my future work situations.
Of course, mistakes are okay to make. I think I’m finally allowing myself to be okay with this. I may sit here and write and preach about it. Most people (kids included) struggle over the fact that a mistake has been made.

I think I’ve heard somewhere “You got to mess up to grow up.”

Friday for me was a lesson. Friday for me was a mistake. Later, I felt stupid for just getting so angry that I left work. I should have stayed and made the best of it. I allowed myself to break. I’m making a promise to myself right here and now to never let this happen again.
            I’m hard on myself and I know this. I allow myself to get emotional and I feel it is a bad thing. I give myself any credit for how well I’m doing. I have a good job. I can pay my bills. I OWN MY CAR. My credit cards are almost paid off.
I think the reason I get so “ugh” is because I am truly struggle with the fact that I am not doing what I went to school for. The reality of moving elsewhere to pursue it scares me. Yet, then I’m reminded I’m young. I’ve got a whole life ahead of me. Maybe someday soon, I will get there. I know when my time comes it will be the right time for me. The perfect time and everything will fall right into place. If I got to mess up and make mistakes a few more times before I get there then so be it. I will be a better human being for it.

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