IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR

“Sleep. It’s the easiest thing to do. You just close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but we don’t know how to get it.”  -Grey’s Anatomy

The corporation I work for closed down the office at 1:00pm this afternoon because the air conditioner was broke. We were all hot, miserable, and cranky. I am surprised that they allowed us to stay for so long. The temperature in the office was nearing 100 degrees. It was miserable. I was sweating profusely.I came home and took a shower and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and go to sleep. However, I knew that if I did fall asleep I would struggle to sleep tonight. The irony of this quote inspired me to write my blog. As I sit here my eyes are heavy and my pillow looks extremely comfortable.

         In college, sleep was the easiest thing. I loved to sleep. I could sleep with no issues. My schedule was so full that I would chose sleep over eating or showering. Once I got out of college sleep was unattainable.

I took Ambien for a few months. I was disturbed by the hallucinations and the fact that I would get up and cook with no recollection of it happening. I immediately stopped taking it and now I usually take Melatonin or some other natural sleep aide. Some nights I just cannot sleep. I will lie awake until the sun comes up. I also have a hard time staying asleep. I used to be able to fall asleep, stay asleep, and not wake up until my alarm went off. I do not understand why sleep is now so difficult. I want it, but cannot seem to fully fulfill my sleep needs.

Fifteen years ago, most people didn’t have laptops, cellphones, televisions, movies, cable, game systems. Our society today is so focused on media and electronics that we have lost our ability to communicate with ourselves and others. We are so overly-stimulated that our minds seem to spin out of control. Our brains cannot seem to settle down and relax when it is time to sleep.

I’m a stresser. I’m a worrier. It is more difficult for me to find ways to turn my mind off or settle down enough to fall asleep. I have mild PTSD and a little bit of paranoia. I jump at every loud sound and think the worst when the dogs in the backyard begin to bark.
To provide how silly my paranoia is, here is a little story of what happened today. I was getting out of my car and I opened my door.  I went to grab my purse, saw a shadow, and my door closed. I freaked out and then felt stupid. The shadow was my door closing. The wind was responsible for shutting my door.
I’m currently in therapy working out my PTSD and paranoia. It is fun to live a life of fear. I have read somewhere that having fear is a gift—it’s good. Unwanted fear is a curse. Most of my fears are unwanted caused by my own insecurities.

“But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help night time isn’t so scary because we realize we aren’t all alone in the dark.”

You are never alone in the situation you go through or the struggles you face. We are all here struggling together. We struggle in life so we can be mentors to those struggling too.

I’m sure when the night time comes and I cannot sleep; I can always find someone who is awake too.